Completely and perfectly and incandescently happy!!!

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For the first time in a long time I can say that I am happy! Not to say life is perfect and I have it all under control … because I don’t but even with the imperfections … I am happy!!

Me and my husband are working together and making this thing work. We are working together and just loving being together. I am happy at my job. It seems to be the perfect speed for me. The other things in between can and will be worked out but as long as everyone is on the same page it won’t be a problem!

I feel as if I am living a fairytale. Me and my high school sweetheart are doing this thing until death do us part. 10 years together and a baby, 10 years apart on and off and a whole lot of a bullshit in between. It’s nothing short of love and a miracle for us to be here today. I never saw myself with anyone else no matter what we were going through and not we are going to live happily ever after. 

I am sure we will have our issues and problems like any other married couple, however, I know that because of our history we now have the tools and desire to fix things instead of ignoring them or walking away. 20 years later we have finally gotten on the same page. We are finally a family and we both feel great about it. Well … all three of us … my son as well. Although he is 12 and in the beginning stages of adolescence … he is very happy as well to have a “normal” family. 

I pray every day and give thanks and will continue to do so. I know we are going to make it last forever (just like the last song they played at my prom that became our song) Make It Last Forever by Keith Sweat.

I will be enjoying my happiness … until next time 🙂

30 days of pressure

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Well … we have been married now for one month as of yesterday. It has been good, it can be better but we will get there. Nothing major has happened. I just thought that the kinks would come after a while. You know, the honeymoon phase. Its ok though because I know the good times are yet to come.

I think part of it is that I am putting too much pressure on myself to be the “perfect” wife, which we all know is not possible. I may be putting too much pressure on myself which is counterproductive. I am going to calm down and step back and just be a woman who loved this boy until he became a man. And now she is falling in love with him all over again as a man.

I read a book about being a “submissive” wife. Just like the lady in the story, this was not asked or mentioned by our husbands. First, let me explain submissive. Not in the way most of us think but in a spiritual way. As in Proverbs 31. I can’t say I have read it in its entirety but I did skim it. What I did read was overwhelming because there was so much that is says I should be that I’m not. At the same time I have come across some things that I felt before reading the book, some things I wasn’t too sure about and would have to meditate and pray on it. There were very few things that I outright disagreed with. At the very least I was able to see where they were coming from while not having decided if I agree or not.

The same author wrote a book prior to this one. I didn’t realize it until she made mention of it. By then I was too far in to stop. So I am now going to read this book. It is about the “Proverb Experiment”. For an entire year she made conscience effort to read, understand and live Proverbs 31. As I know from reading the other book. She definitely was not perfect at the end of it but she was a much better wife to her husband and in turn he a much better husband to his wife.

After I read that book, I plan to start on Proverbs 31. I want to get a much better understanding of it than I have now. So this time I will probably have to read it in its entirety. I am sure that something will change within me that will only be helpful in our relationship. I am praying that he become better as he sees me getting better. I really hope my efforts won’t be taken for granted. We are all human and make mistakes but we do have control over a lot more than we give ourselves credit for or should I say more than we are willing to hold ourselves accountable for.

I am looking forward to this journey we have both decided to take. I love him, he loves me and we are committed to this. We got this.

Until next time 🙂

Mrs. …..

Sayonara

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Today I turned in my Letter of Resignation! Ahhh, it felt so good. I am finally free from that place and their selfishness. I am moving on to something bigger and better. I truly feel that this is a new beginning for me. At this new place they will only know me by my new name. Its like a fresh start. I am so very happy for this opportunity.

I was talking to my assistant, who by the way has a second interview next week, and I told her that they were going to ask me for some kind of favor. My resignation letter was straight to the point, gracious, professional and gave no explanation as to why I am leaving. The reason being is I would have a small chapter book if I started to name my reason. I was truly treated unfairly at that place and no … I didn’t put in my all because I have other areas in my life that need the same and most likely more attention. But, I did go above and beyond and I can’t blame anyone but myself because I got them in a habit of things.

To give some background, my last assistant was fired on a Thursday evening, my boss asked her for a “favor” and to come back the next day and draft a memo with all of her outstanding work. Now, I have managed and supervised before and what you are supposed to do is early in the week ask for a list of all of the employees work/projects then get an update the day before you let them go. This girl was a fool because there would be no way I would do that. You fired me already, please do not now ask me for a favor that only benefits you.

Anywho, my boss asked if I could ask my new place if I could start two weeks later. Ummm … no lady. My last day will be next Wednesday and nothing is going to change that! I told her the salary and benefits are too good to risk losing out on this opportunity. They have sucked enough out of me. No more!!!!

It was another emotionally driven day for me. Not like yesterday, but I know I will sleep well tonight. Hopefully, I can wake up on time in the morning :/

 

Until next time … Mrs. 🙂

 

Its going to take a lot to beat today!!!!

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What a day I had today. I got married this morning to the only man I have ever truly loved. 20 years and an 11 year old son in the making. I have waited for that moment for what seems like forever. It was a ceremony held at City Hall. It was me, my husband :), my son and my mother. The three most important people in my life. This will be a day I will never forget. 

Another reason that will make this day hard to forget is that I went on a second interview today and I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! I could not have asked for a better day. What makes it even better is they are giving me more money than what I asked for! But the absolute best part of it all is that I get to hand in my resignation which I will be doing tomorrow! I am too excited. I have already drafted it and emailed it to myself so that first thing in the morning I can email it to them on my way there. My bosses are rarely in the office so email will be the best route. I’m a bit anxious about it but I went through more than anyone should at that office and when I think about all of that I get a rush to email it to them now.

Things are definitely looking up. I am thankful and blessed for everything that has been afforded to me.

My emotions were on high today and I am finally coming down and am exhausted. There was just no way I could not document this day.

 

Until next time … Mrs. 🙂

Here comes the Bride!!!

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Well … The big day will be Wednesday, March 5, 2014. We went to the Courthouse yesterday and got our license. Funny thing is we had a reason we were doing this but I was able to solve that issue. So, I told him we don’t have to go forward with it but he still wanted to 🙂 So we are doing this. My friends and family are all supportive and claims to know this was eventually going to happen. Lol. They think we are crazy but are very supportive. This man has been a big part of my life for 20 years. It’s not everyday you get to marry the one you love, the one you always wanted to, the one you thought of whenever you thought about growing old and being old with someone … your sole mate. Im excited, scared and nervous all at the same damn time and so is he but we aren’t backing out of this. We could have lost each other for good but everything happens for a reason and here we are. I will finally be his wife … not a wife … but his!!! This is exactly how our story is supposed to be!!!

Until next time!!!

Aside

Ok. Back to the saga. Well last week my baby daddy/fiancée (LOL) came over to watch the All Star game. I cooked dinner and we had a good time. He stayed over since I was off on Monday and left with me as I left for work.

Being that I was kind of on the fence about the marriage thing I decided not to say much and let him take the lead. Last thing we discussed was on Valentines Day was about him making a phone call or two to find out some information. Now the guy that I know needs a lot of pushing and prodding. So a week went by and I heard nothing. He agreed to go to Church with me and our son for Saturday service (much more convenient). He gave me the number to call and find out the info being that I handle this kind of stuff better. I was surprised because I didn’t have to say a word.

So I will be making the calls tomorrow and see how soon we can do this. The funny part is that although this began as a “favor” we have been in a lot more contact and he is actually in the living room now watching tv (we don’t have the same taste in most shows. lol) and it is feeling like the old days. He is staying over and we also agreed to look for rings. In the beginning I said no rings but hell, I was joking and he went for it so why the hell not.

Funnier thing for me is that I am actually looking forward to this. I am looking forward to changing my last name as well. My mom and my friends all see through me and know that I am feeling this whole thing. I must admit this is the man I always dreamed of saying I do to and the only one I ever saw me married to. He always told me that I believe in Fairytales and that they are fake but it looks like my fairytale although a little twisted with too may curves and turns is about to come true. I’m about to start my happily ever after!!! 🙂

Until next time 😉

Ordinary People … could the fourth time be the charm?

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And the saga continues … but … a little background information first. I was with my son’s father from the time I was 15 until we were 25. We had our son at the age of 23 and broke up two years later. During our time apart, he has had multiple girlfriends. I on the other hand have only had one and that just ended after a year a couple of months ago. Now that we both are single and he claims that he can’t find the right one, after I thought I found the right one but realized that he is the right and only one for me. (shhh … I haven’t admitted this to anyone yet!!) We are now friendly, and have actually found ourselves in a situation we shouldn’t have been in. We have never “seen” each other unless we were together but a couple of weeks ago we did.

Tens years after our first break up, we have found ourselves in a situation where we have agreed to get married to make things easier for me. I know sounds weird but true. And before I continue … I am a US Citizen so you can stop thinking that. Lol. Anyway … I’m not 100% sure about it though. I never dreamed of a wedding but always wanted to be married. I always envisioned me and him as husband and wife. I honestly thought that part of things were over and done with and never going to happen. So when he put this idea on the table I had mixed feelings. The first thought was “oh … now you want to do this”, the next thought was “What I always wanted … but damn … not like this” third thought was “now me and my son can finally have the same last name”

Valentine’s Day was yesterday and we actually went out on a date. Me and him didn’t do Valentine’s Day even when we were together. It was nice, all we did was go to dinner but for me being around him always means a level of comfort that I only have with my family. A feeling that you don’t find with everyone. The feeling of knowing someone from head to toe and that person knowing the same about you.

I have this feeling that once again we are doing things ass backwards. We had the baby before we got our stuff together and now we are getting married due to a situation as opposed to us being in love or whatever. I am by no means a dummy or that much in denial,  I realize that if there weren’t feelings or even the smallest want of being together … on both sides … we wouldn’t even be discussing this. Could it be possible that we will go ahead and get married and then everything will come later? Will one of us meet someone else and move on with our lives?

Who knows? What I do know is that my experience with my ex has shown me certain things in regards to my sons father. It’s pretty crazy. I used to always listen to Ordinary People by John Legend. His parents broke up then got together like ten years later. I believe that is going to be my story and in the end I will have my happily ever after!!!

We tried three times … could this fourth time really be the charm for us Ordinary People or will this just be another chapter in our book? Only time will tell. So, on that note … the saga continues …

Until next time 🙂

Slowly but surely

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This past year has been a strange year. Last year at this time my Grandmother was in the hospital and never came home 😦  She passed on December 21st. Since that date I have been totally in a cloud. I have fallen off with some of my responsibilities and dug a hole that I need to climb out of. Thankfully, I am climbing out now … slowly but surely!

In January, on my birthday,  I went to my favorite bar, I call it the Bikini Bar as the bartenders wear bikinis. That is not the reason I go, I go because their happy hour includes $3 drinks. Lol. Needless to say, there are nothing but men in that bar, mostly married construction workers. Again … I go for the cheap drinks, I have been going there for years and haven’t met one prospect. This day however, I meet a guy who seemed to have his stuff together. Single, no kids (wasn’t a plus at first as I didn’t want anymore), good job and no record. Lol.

I would only go to this bar on Fridays for the one hour then go home or elsewhere to hang out. However, after meeting this guy I started stopping by during the week just to see if he would be there. He did the same. I never saw him there before but he would go at different days and times than I did.

Long story short, he is now my boyfriend. We have so much in common and truly enjoy our time together. He has met my son and they get along great. Funny thing is, last October I had a dream that I was in love with a man who was tall and wore glasses. How funny, this man is 6’4 and wears glasses!!!  We are making plans for our future and are dedicated to give this a fair shot. We both have a few issues from past relationships but are taking the time to learn and teach each other … slowly but surely!

So as this relationship  was progressing, I seemed to sink deeper and deeper in my hole. Most of my free time was spent with him instead of the things that I needed to focus on. He recently got a new job which is a much better opportunity then the Accounting job he previously held. The hours don’t allow us to spend as much time together which gives me the time to get back on track. I am also in the process of looking for a new job as the one I have is ok but there are many benefits that I need that they promised to provide but almost 2 years later still have not.

Things are beginning to look up for me which is more than what I could say this time last year. The holidays are kind of bitter sweet for me as this is the first holiday season without my Grandmother but at the same time the first holiday season with my soul mate. I feel guilty if I feel too happy and guilty if I feel too sad. I’ve decided to just go with whatever emotion I am feeling at the time and work through it. Slowly but surely I will find a balance.

I am looking forward to the upcoming year as I have put myself in a better situation due to digging myself out of a hole. I have paid off bills that needed to get paid a while ago, I have gotten repairs done in my apartment that were long over due to get done. I am back on track and getting ready to go full steam ahead. All I need right now is a new job and I will be as close to at peace as I possibly can for the moment.

I remain thankful for all that I have gone through and all that there is to come and will not be greedy. The saying I believe in the most is “where you are at the moment is exactly where you are supposed to be”. If I was meant to work at a different office right now, I would be. The time will come when it is supposed to.

I don’t know the entire purpose of this post but what I do know is that sometimes we fall apart, and it happens so quickly but with determination and dedication we are always able to put ourselves back together only to be better … slowly but surely!!

 

Until next time 🙂

Aside

Getting back to me … a better me

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This is crazy. I am allover the place. I feel like not one thing in my life right now is in tact. I should have gotten my shit together long time ago but No … I have waited for it to get to this point. Chaos is the only word I can find to describe my life right now. My dreams have been speaking to me and loudly. Change is only going to begin and end with me. I need to grab the bull by the horn and do what I know needs to get done. I can’t continue to live my life this way.

My first step is going to Church this weekend. I need it in my life. I am not a religious person an tend to view myself as more spiritual if anything. But I think this is where I need to be to go and find my way. One baby step at a time. And as I wrote in the beginning of the year, I need to do something different! Different with a purpose. I have not yet taken this step to get me where I want to be and who knows … this could be it.

This past year has brought so many things to me, good and bad. I just need to find that balance and get back juggling without dropping the ball.

I think the focus for the upcoming season/year is to get back to me and become a better me!!! I like it … time to work!!!

Until next time 🙂

Tiffany

Challenges

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Tomorrow I start a meditation/wellness challenge. For the next forty days I need to commit myself to 40 minutes of work a day. Thankfully it can be broken up. I am thinking of doing 20 minutes in the morning and another 20 minutes at night. The morning will be mediation and the night will be writing. I am going to make an honest effort to do my writing here. I don’t want to fully commit as I am a single mom and once I get home, I really don’t have a lot of extra time. But I do realize that anything you really want to do, you have to make time and space for it.

`This will be either my fourth or fifth meditation challenge but only the second time with this group. I wasn’t successful last year when I first tried it with them. My previous challenges require 20 minutes the most. And that I was able to either knock out in the morning or that night. This is double the time and now I have to carve out an extra 20 minutes.

I am determined to meet my commitment with success this time. I’m more focused. As I stated in my last post. I am doing something different. Meditation has been a very important part of my adult life. For me it is a challenge. Not a challenge in the way that I “can’t meditate” but a challenge in the way of me being consistent with it. So although meditation is not different for me, it will be the approach that makes this time different!

Although the shift is small and slow, I can definitely see a difference in myself when I do. I enjoy that feeling. It’s like I have it all together and whatever isn’t … I’m not stressing and just let the Universe to it’s thing. You would think that with such a great feeling, I would do all it takes to keep feeling that way. How wrong! It seems like I torture myself, I do good then sink, but never far enough to drown and then I get to play hero and drag myself up. But at the beginning of this year, I declared different!

Until next time  🙂